Aging Into Courage -by Rebekah Shardy
Childhood prepares us for adulthood. For what does aging prepare us?
I propose it helps us boldly expand toward self-actualization, just as the Universe, of which we are microcosms, expands. Science tells us 97% of the Universe is invisible, made of unknown energy and matter. What if 97% of who we are is unknown until now? What if we are not our bodies, titles, possessions and achievements, all which change with age?
If we are not our bodies, abilities and things that we’ve accumulated over time, who are we? I help people answer this question in my workshop, “Growing B-Older: Wild and Soulful Aging.” Learning and embracing the true self, apart from masks we have worn throughout life, is the important work of growing older.
Carl Jung said that in the first half of life we learn and meet the expectations of society; in the last half we must find and express our authentic self that is unique and unconcerned with conformity. This takes courage. External courage may lead you to contribute boldly to the world as an advocate, activist or artist. Internal courage may mean accepting change without regret, forgiving yourself and others, or healing wounds of the past. Internal boldness is the hospice patient whose last act from her bed is to call and make peace with her estranged daughter.
During college, a friend and I brought my 65-year old mother with us to Boston on vacation. After a night of theater, we retired to our rooms. I woke at 1 a.m., panicked that my mother was still out. She sauntered in later with her sketchpad, explaining, “I was at the all-night coffee shop across the street. People like to tell me things, and I love to hear their stories.” She wasn’t afraid of the homeless men and street-walkers. Instead of contracting into fear or isolation as she aged, my mother expanded in both internal and external courage. After losing a husband of 40 years, and a nest of seven children, she did not pine for the past or strive to maintain the status quo. She earned her GED, learned to drive, worked her first job, taught disco dancing, studied clowning and returned to beloved painting as acts of External Courage. She also rose to Internal Courage when she grieved the baby she lost 40 years earlier, let go of memories that once paralyzed her, realized her gifts, managed and accepted physical disability, made peace with her God, and mourned lost dreams, all while understanding the beauty and sorrow of her genuine self that only she knew and must love at last.
In her sketchpad from Boston’s streets were many faces, but especially her own true one. It is a portrait of curiosity, courage and compassion. It’s my legacy as I enter my last years, and I wonder: what will my legacy be to those who follow?
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Rebekah Shardy is a retired geriatric social worker, speaker, and author of “98 Things a Woman Should Do in her Lifetime.” She lives in Loveland, the home of her sister, where she moved recently after working for a hospice in Colorado Springs. Contact her at coaboveall@hotmail.com or (970) 308-8393.
